Am I the only pearling boat captain who used yoga for anger management?
Anger management and yoga: one man’s story, the short version
R. used to say he had two settings: fine or angry. He captained pearling boats out of Darwin, and as a young man his temper had put holes in doors. Then a friend suggested yoga. R. says he noticed that his anger was an energy, and that yoga gave it somewhere useful to go. This note tells his story in his own words, and adds what Chris has noticed about men and anger. It is one man’s experience of anger management, not a promise.
This note in short form
- The problem: frustration, boredom and anger, with no good outlet.
- The turn: easy beginner poses, suggested by a friend.
- His words: the anger was an energy he could use, not something to fight.
- Where he practised: in the wheelhouse of a boat at anchor.
- Chris’s view: many men hide from their feelings in sheds, TV, booze or anger.
- Care: if your temper worries you, talk to a doctor or counsellor as well.
- Next step: try an easy beginner class in Darwin or LIVE online.
Iyengar yoga is the style developed by Mr BKS Iyengar. In the 20th century he did more than anyone to set down traditional Indian yoga, through his books and his teaching, and he pioneered the use of props. It is sometimes called modern classical yoga, and it’s the style we teach at Flametree.
This page sits in our stress and sleep notes.
Bound angle pose with support opens the hips without strain.
What was it like before yoga?
Frustrated, bored and sometimes angry, with a lot of energy and nowhere to put it. R. grew up surfing, which suited his huge energy. In Darwin the wide waters of Van Diemen’s Gulf ruled out surf, except during cyclones.
When he was not working, he had time on his hands. Alcohol and other drugs were not his thing. In his words, “there is nothing worse than a hangover and that horrible feeling of having said or done something stupid or tragic because of losing control.”
He remembers being told “don’t get angry”, and that it did not help. As he put it, he needed to be shown how to manage and express his emotions, or he needed some process or activity that would take him down that path. Even as an adult the anger had not gone away. It came out in other ways, and he says it took a toll on his health and on the people around him.
Fold from the hips and keep the spine long.
What changed when he started yoga?
He noticed that his anger was an energy, and he could express it in a useful way. A friend suggested yoga, and he tried the easy poses that beginners start with.
“To my surprise, I noticed that my anger was an energy, and I could express it in a meaningful way instead of being negative and destructive,” he says. He found he could be positive, confident, creative and friendly, and he had something to do that was never boring. He lists what he stopped doing: no more swearing, losing it, throwing things around or punching holes in doors.
He says the yoga became an outlet for his energy. “I got more chilled out,” he says, “and the anger just melted away.” As he went to more classes, the calm and the fitness grew.
Where does a boat captain do yoga?
In the wheelhouse, with the door locked. His boat spent long stretches at anchor, waiting for other boats to meet it. One of a captain’s privileges was that he could lock the wheelhouse door, and the crew had to leave him alone to do his poses. As long as he could do yoga, he says, he was never bored.
What did he mean by “two settings”?
He meant he used to swing between fine and angry, with nothing in between. R. later trained as a yoga teacher himself. In a chat with Chris, he described the change like this: “I used to have two settings… fine or angry! Now I’ve got emotional intelligence.”
He said success and failure are not black and white, and that he blames no one, “not even me”. He said he can now speak directly, with empathy, without offending. And instead of “doing, doing, doing”, he said, he luxuriates in “being”. These are his words about his own journey. Everybody gets different things from yoga.
What does Chris take from his story?
Chris’s view is that men hurt themselves far too much. After talking with R., she wrote that sometimes men hide out, in sheds, in front of the TV, with a drink, or in anger. Or they do not care enough about themselves to look after their health and fitness.
That is Chris’s view from years of teaching, not a research finding. For the research on anger and yoga, and how a retreat setting can help, see yoga and anger, and how retreats help.
What if your anger worries you?
Yoga is something to do alongside proper help, not instead of it. This note describes one man’s experience. If your temper worries you, or you are afraid you might hurt yourself or someone else, talk to your doctor or a counsellor. If you are struggling, please talk to your GP or a mental health professional.
If you would like to try yoga as well, an easy beginner class is a calm place to start. You do not need to be fit or flexible, and the teacher shows you a version of each pose that suits you. Tell the teacher about any injury or health condition before class.
Mountain Pose (Tadasana) with the hands on a chair behind. Simple standing poses like this are where beginners start, and they ask for steady, calm attention.
Related reading: our stress and sleep notes, yoga and anger, yoga for sleep and yoga for beginners in Darwin.
A bolster takes the effort out of resting.
Practise this at Flametree
Flametree Yoga Studio teaches Iyengar yoga in the studio at Woolner and Coolalinga in Darwin, and LIVE online.
- New to Flametree? Your first class is free. In the studio, just come along. Online, go to our online class list, click the class time you want and we email you the link to join.
- Beginners: new students, and anyone who has been away three months or more, can get a half price 10 class pass with 2 extra classes free, to use online, in the studio, or both. See the beginner half price pass.
- Already practising yoga? The same half price 10 class pass with 2 extra classes free, for new students and for anyone away three months or more, is also available as the non-beginner half price pass.
- See every class time, including online classes, on the timetable.
Can’t make a class? Practise at home with our video courses.
Anger management and yoga: frequently asked questions
Can yoga help with anger management?
One man says it did. R. found that easy yoga poses gave his anger somewhere useful to go, and that he became calmer and more even as he kept going. That is one person’s experience, not a treatment. If anger is a problem for you, talk to a doctor or counsellor as well.
What did R. mean by two settings?
He meant he used to swing between fine and angry, with nothing in between. With yoga he says he developed what he called emotional intelligence, and he stopped blaming everyone, himself included.
What kind of yoga did he start with?
Easy beginner poses, suggested by a friend. He did the sort of simple poses that every beginner class starts with, and built from there.
What did he do when he could not get to a class?
He practised on the boat. During long waits at anchor he locked the wheelhouse door and did his yoga poses, so he was never bored.
What does Chris say about men and anger?
Chris says that, in her view, men often hurt themselves by hiding out in sheds, in front of the TV, with a drink, or in anger. She sees yoga as one way to look after yourself instead.
Is yoga a replacement for talking to a doctor or counsellor?
No. Yoga can sit alongside proper care, but it does not replace it. If you are worried about your temper or anyone’s safety, see your doctor or a counsellor.
Do I need to be fit or flexible to start yoga for anger?
No. Beginner classes use simple poses, props and easier versions, so you start where you are. Tell your teacher about any injury or health condition first.
Where can I try yoga in Darwin?
Flametree Yoga Studio teaches Iyengar yoga in Darwin and LIVE online, with easy beginner classes every week. Your first class is free if you are new to Flametree (in the studio, if you have lived in the NT for three months or more; online, anyone new).
You can see more from our classes on the Flametree Yoga Facebook page.
This article is general information, not medical advice. It tells one man’s story and does not say that yoga treats anger or any condition. Flametree Yoga Studio, Darwin and LIVE online.
Sources: R.’s own account, shared with Flametree, and Chris Lalor’s conversation with him.
